Something Different

In the wake of realization that my co-blogger is MIA... maybe he just doesn't want to write anymore?  Instead of the usual boom headshot post I do on Wednesdays, I decided to tap into my consciousness.  Although everyone knows I hate a real cliche, just hear me out.  Recently I was just lying in my bed.  Lying there thinking about nothing but everything.  In reality I was just trying to fall asleep, but my brian wouldn't let me sleep in peace.  I kept thinking about events that have past and many what if situations.  I also started to think heavily about things I've done, proud and disappointed with.  I never really think about these things on a daily basis.  What really sucks is when all the guilt and disappointment settles in.  There's nothing specific but there's waves of sadness that really make me think.  But with those shots of negativity come more positive memories which puts a slight smile on my face.  I really don't know how to describe this other than my pondering time.  I guess I wanted to write it down to make it more real.  During my daily tasks of working, sleeping, eating, seeing friends, I don't experience this.  It's forgotten in the crevices in the back of my mind.  It always suddenly hits me when I least expect it.  I guess by writing this in a blog for everyone to see I really yearn for connection of these emotions.  Is this out of place? I don't know. What I do know is that I least its been said and in my mind thats a step towards realization.